Particulars do not belong to public writing. But I would like to share with you my thankfulness for those people God has blessed me with. I am so thankful for my sisters in the Lord- who have affirmed me, sent me hugs (through cyberspace), prayed for me, and cried with me. And I am thankful for my mother- who can tell my mood and state from a glance, and feels pain as I feel pain.
For the last five days I have been pretty sick to-boot (I see now that this too was God's blessing). First it was a cold- then a fever- then a cold again, sore throat, nose, headache and all- and then added to it I got an eye-infection and have been nauseous for the last 48-hours (from nerves and coughing). Due to the latter this weekend I had barely eaten lunch and completely skipped dinner and so my mother took me out of the house to eat.
It was ten o'clock. Dogs were howling in the night and beginnings of rain rustled the trees. We went to our favorite diner- where she was so patient with me as I took about a half hour to pick something to eat. Everything sounded bad to my upset and knotted stomach. We poured over the menu- and at last ordered hyper a-la-carte: Roasted potatoes, cottage cheese, apple sauce, and egg whites. I barely picked at it (though I did drink lots of coke- you know that stuff was originally a stomach syrup), but just being out with her was wonderfully comforting.
So yes. I am thankful for my mother. And thankful for my sisters. But most of all I find myself incredibly thankful to God.
I wasn't expecting that. Usually when I hit a storm I do a lot of why?-ing, (that is, whining). But through this I have found myself drawn incredibly closer. I have been overwhelmed, overpowered, and overshadowed by an incredible sense of his love for me. It's ironic because God's love is something I've always struggled with- and so I see a priceless purpose even amidst my pain.
I know a God who's love is unchanging, who knows everything I've ever wanted someone to know- who doesn't leave. Who says that he, "guards our minds and hearts in Christ Jesus"- who IS love- that always hopes, endures, forgives, and never fails. (And this is love- that he loved us and sent His son).
Oh Lord-God, thank you for your love. I trust you a thousand times over.
You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me. - Psalm 139, 5-6