In some ways this past week of school was little different than my first week. I still have no one I can call a friend. I still eat most of my lunches by myself... Then why am I so much happier?
Yes, I've adjusted. I've got my morning routine down to clockwork. The day doesn't exhaust me quite as it used to. I know there are enough hours in the day to get everything done and where to find the keys. I set my alarm. I always remember my books.
But something has changed: my expectations.
College hasn't given me fun- or friends- or amazing books. But it has given me a mission field.
When I walk onto campus I am ever-more conscious of my living testimony for Christ- that my every word and action affects how people see me- and ultimately the God I serve. College is teaching me to be less self-centered- to look for opportunities to bless people and share the gospel. To give life, not live life. College is acting as a mirror- showing me how easily I get caught up in my's own desires and needs: How often I am selfish, caring more about what people think of me then the Truth they need. How often I am prideful, thinking more of who I am than all that God has done for me.
When I say I am learning, I mean just that- it's a process, I'm being taught- I haven't learned it yet.
I am ever more grateful that God has me where he does. Heaven knows it wasn't my idea. But I am learning more where I am than I would have anywhere else. God is deepening my compassion and understanding. He is giving me boldness and love.
Something's heating up. May this spark become a fire for God.
Ah, amen! :D
ReplyDelete"it's a process, I'm being taught- I haven't learned it yet." Mm, I'm glad you said this, because, I needed reminding, that just because God's been bringing this to my attention, teaching me it, it doesn't mean I've mastered the lesson. Or anything close. Hm. Yes.
Exactly, Hayley. :-) I feel God bringing it to my attention- I'm noticing, I'm trying to act on it... but so many times I fail to notice or fail to act.
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