September 2, 2010

Motherhood Musings

Would it shock you to know that I’ve been thinking a lot about babies lately?

Maybe it was reading this blogger’s post- and reminiscing on baby-blankets and little siblings.

Maybe it was going to a party and holding baby-Leah – with her happy gurgles and soft black hair… baby-Timmy smiling with his big-blue-eyes...

I was scarcely eleven when my youngest sibling was born. –Too young to feel maternal fluttering when I held her in my arms. (I still played with dolls on rainy days.)

I remember the first time I realized I wanted to be a mother- not in the baby-bottle and stroller sort of way but instinctively, in my very being- a longing to hold and bear new Life.

I was fourteen – it’d been a while since my sister was little- we were camping and a family friend let me hold her newborn.

She was so small- warm, alive, nestled, unable to support herself, against me.

Perfect life.

I can only imagine what that feeling will be like when the little one is my own, mirror of myself and the one I love.

I remember realizing how small I was. Every other baby-holding had always invoked thoughts of when “I’m all grown up and big.” But at scarcely 5’1’’ –and petite at that- I smiled at the realization that “this was it.” I wasn’t getting any bigger. (Ouch. This is gonna hurt!)

…to have a baby in your arms… to feel its first stirrings within you...

I am not alone in longing for children, I know. Most of us girls want children from the time we’re born. Babies draw us like magnets. We play with dolls and mimic motherhood since old enough to first grasp the concept. Yet negative attitudes and societal pressures soon make us think otherwise. Could this tucked-away, forgotten desire be the reason for girl after girl at my college being either ambitionless or pursuing careers in which they taught or worked with children, (the only legitimate outlet for their maternal feelings society allows) despite the fact that when my teacher asked the class how many of us wanted kids it seemed I alone raised my hand?

For my own part, I have embraced the role God has given me- to follow in the footsteps of Eve and Sarah- to bring forth children and to raise them in the fear and admonition of the Lord.

But it seems, at times, like the world itself is against me. Children are delayed as long as possible, and if you do choose to have them we have day-care centers, public-schools, and summer camps to carry our children from the cradle into adulthood.

Once women were told they could only be house-wives. Now, liberated, we must be anything but housewives.

I confess at times the alternatives offered are temping: independence, so-called “freedom,” and a life devoted to my own interests.

I am still single. Uninvolved. I could choose to do that with my life if I wished.

But I don’t wish.

How many others would wish as I do if they were not afraid of what people would say and think of them- of us, wimpy, naive slaves to our husbands, the stove, the mop, and the baby. The home: “Not good enough!” For heaven’s sake, DO something with your life!

As if caring for a man and raising the next generation wasn’t doing something.

So, godly women around me, if this calling be true, and if my desires are good, then

…encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored. –Titus 2: 4-5 [emphasis mine]


  1. For the longest time, I thought I didn't like children, I really had no desire to be a mother, and to be honest, I still can't envision myself as a mom. But, I've been noticing, these instincts I didn't know existed, that to an extent I can't even seem to control . . . anything I perceive about myself intellectually, it all kind of fades when I have a baby in my arms or a little kid holding my hand.

  2. Mmmm. *smiles*

    Aren't we funny that way? I don't get it. But it's beautiful and amazing.

    I know too- a lot of girls don't particularly like other people's kids (I tend not to be drawn to other people's kids past, say, seven :-P) but then when (we) get our own it's another story. :-)

  3. And then, if you are really lucky like me, when you get sick and in terrible pain and can't walk for a week and counting (this week), why, they'll make you roasted potato-zucchini-salsa-cheese-casserole and clean up afterwards!

    Yeah, you should definitely have kids someday ;-)

  4. Hi there!

    I saw a comment you left on another blog which led me here. My name is David and my email is I'm interested in getting in touch with you :).