It's been an emotional week. I felt panicky all Sunday and Monday for no good reason whatsoever. My stomach was in knots, my blood was racing, and I felt a constant impulse to cry. I have my theories. I think maybe I'd been happy for too long and my body was thinking to its confused self, "We have too many unused tears stored up here. Let's make her do something crazy so she cries!" But it didn't work. So I just felt weird all week. Then on Thursday I finally had something happen worth crying over and afterwords I felt more or less (physically) better. But, then there was the reason I was crying in the first place- so I was back to square one.
This morning rolled round. I always know that Spring is finally here when the crocuses pop their cheery heads up from the sulking earth. My brothers had gone on a hike. My mother had gone shopping. My neighbors were having a party (who knows why) and I was stuck at home with myself (myself!) and a pile of homework.
It was a prime opportunity to be royally miserable. I considered putting on all my sad, moody music and making a day of it.
But before I got to work I went through my routine habit of being unproductive for about twenty-minutes- checking all my tabs, blogs, and e-mail. I stumbled upon a fellow blogger's musings (yes, you, Natalie) about worship, joy, and glorying in God. She said, "Joy is something that has to be fought for recklessly. Will I fight? Will you?" Yes. Yes! Where was my joy? Where was the precious joy which I so prize and treasure? I needed that post. I needed to remember reality. I resolved: Today I will glory in God.
So I decided not to listen to my sad music. Instead I put on Sons of Korah and began listening to their wonderful rendition of Psalm 95. As the notes drifted through my room and bounced of my sun-lit window panes I felt my spirit rising- rising- lifting up to God in song.
Come, let us sing with joy to the Lord. My fingers reached towards Heaven. Come, let us shout to the Rock of Salvation.
I felt my soul pouring out again to my God. Come before Him with thanksgiving. I remembered His Grace and Goodness in my life- and I remembered the overwhelming glory of His throne. For He is our God.
I've asked "why?" of Him a lot lately. But amidst uncertainty, pain, happiness, excitement, stress, and change, I learn yet again that the answer to every question is: God. He is strong, mighty to save- and I am His- and He is mine. And that is enough. And that is everything.
Come let us, come let us, bow down in worship.
Come let us, come let us, kneel before God our Creator.