There's a verse in the psalms... Be still and know that I am God. [Psalm 46:10] In a passing moment in a sermon on Jacob this morning, my pastor asked us- "How often are we actually still?" It struck me.
Eek. I love being still. Really, I do. I love to betake myself to quiet places. I love to think. But I'm in the middle of college finals. And lately it feels like my life has been lived for the next day, the next test, the next accomplished goal, the next season. I don't know if it's that I don't have time to think- I just haven't made time to think- or that at the moment my life is so full of things I could be thinking about that the amount of conclusions I could be coming to and self-evaluations I could be doing is overwhelming. Maybe I'm running from thinking. Maybe I'm not letting myself be still enough to remember WHO God is.
It's not like I don't know at all. But I know in the intellectual sense- the sense in which one says, "I feel this other way- but despite what I feel I will trust in what I know to be true." I feel like I'm running- headlong through each day- barely missing crash after crash after disastrous crash. I feel like I'm in yet one another of those periods in my life where amidst busyness and chaos and rampant emotions I whisper, "God, I need you to carry me today."
But I miss knowing- knowing in a wonderful, still sort of sense- not the survival sense. It's amazing because even amidst my panicked craziness I have been astounded by the amount of blessing God has poured out on me. (Why? Me? Why does He bless me when I'm too busy to be still? Your love still amazes me.)
Three more days till the end of the semester. And then my Holiday begins. Holy days. I plan on recuperating from the wreckage wreaked on my body, mind, spirit- and my room. I can't wait. But what about now? Isn't now when I need Him? Today? As Martin Luther put it, "I'm so busy I can't afford not to pray." What better way can I prepare for tomorrow? I need this.
I will be still and know that He is God.